I am sorry that your hawk like gaze made it hard for me to pee. I am sorry it took all 3 of my tries even after chugging 2 water bottles and a cup of coffee. I am sorry you have to spend your day watching people pee into tiny cups. I am sorry you were obviously having a bad day. I hope it gets better. I hope you get to go home, shower, and leave the pee behind.
we’re all longing for a connection.
hell, even an acquaintance.
but that first step,
the saying hello.
asking someone out.
that fist step,
take a breath.
get over the soul crushing fear of rejection.
put yourself out there.
or die alone.
one sip and your inhibitions lower just like your jeans.
one sip and the whispers of doubt turn in to the song of slithering sloppy mating.
the person you said “hi” to in passing becomes all you can think about.
you want them.
no, you NEED them.
their skin pressed against yours.
their tongue leaving sticky hot trails of drunken desire.
in the moment this is what you desire most in life.
slivers of sunlight set off the pounding of drums in you head.
head spinning, stomach churning, you wonder where you are.
silently you gather your belonging, slipping out in to the quiet daybreak.
not until you get home is it you realize you have left your dignity.
desperately trying to pull my self out of bed.
out of this haze.
i should get up.
i should be productive.
but these blankets are so damn warm,
and this bed is holding me hostage.
refusing to let me escape into a happier world.
a happier state of mind.
instead i’ll go over my failures in life one by one.
i’ll start with that time i was ten and stole a ring from the hospital gift shop.
and inevitably end with how much i am failing as a parent.
it’s like a fog that consumes my brain.
all accomplishments vanish.
not a single good deed remains.
instead; the screw-ups,
every evil i have ever committed.