dry drunk.

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I heard this term at an AA meeting I went to last week.

…The dry drunk may be full of resentment and anger. Instead of finding joy in their life away from alcohol, they can act as if they were serving a prison sentence. The only change this person has made is to stop drinking, but in other respects their life remains the same….. 
…a person that hasn’t touched alcohol in years, but have not yet managed to get sober…

I am trying to get my life together and see the good in being sober.
And most  of the time I succeed.
But sometimes when I am letting my mind wander “how much longer” will pop up in bold font and assault me for all its worth.
“When will this sentence end”
“When do we get to join those people at the bar again”
“When do we get to get day drunk again”
Sometimes the thoughts are so strong they result in a physical manifestation. I will get hit by them so hard I stop dead in my tracks like I just got sucker punched. In those seconds it is hard to rationalize why I am sober. I see my old drinking buddies sittinghealing-your-mind-body-and-soul-pic-2 in my old spot. Laughing, having fun. Like I used to. And in that second all I can think about is how miserable I am. How stressed and anxious. And how just one beer will fix it all. Thankfully they normally pass quickly. And I remember how amazing my body feels, how much hangovers suck, and go back to being my happy self.
But man, those seconds…

I have been slacking on my fitness due to the move. It is time to start getting back at it. Bike riding everywhere and morning runs. Endorphins always make me feel better.

103 days.

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One thought on “dry drunk.

  1. If you were really having that many laughs with the friends when you were drinking, you probably wouldn’t have gotten sober to begin with.

    The truth is probably that you eventually became miserable in you last drinking days and wanted some relief from that. We have a way of forgetting the bad times.

    Like

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