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I started 2017 off by totaling my brand new car, my kid watching me get arrested, and spending 13ish hours in the drunk tank.

Not how I wanted my year to start but it was the start I needed.
It was a wake up call.
It was the slap in the face I needed.
Those 13 hours were hell.
What am I doing with my life.
How did I get here.
Thank Thor I didn’t kill myself or even worse, someone else.
What is my baby going to think of me.

I am currently court ordered to use soberlink 3 times a day as part of my bail. The 1-2 minutes while I am waiting for my test to send are pretty stressful. Even though I know I am not drinking I still think about what a positive test could mean for me.
Jail time.
Disqualification from sober court.
Loss of my son.

The following have been helping me. Stoicism.

– It’s important that we understand the obstacles that we face and not run from them.
– It is not outside forces that make us feel something, it is what we tell ourselves that create our feelings.
– No failure, no growth. 
– When you feel resistance, use that as a cue to go forward. 
– When you’re working, be ruthlessly present.

I got myself into this mess and I will get myself though it.
I will do my 10 days in jail.
Pay my fines.
Do my community service.
Deal with my super high insurance rates.
And I will come out on the other side sober, stronger, and a better person.

 

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