I think I am finally recovered from the weekend. AFter sleeping most of Monday and eating some of my feelings and killing myself at the gym and watching lots of Sword Art Online.
Work was, well there are no words to describe how bad work was. Yes I made money, but at the cost of my sanity and soul.
My mom was supposed to watch Boosk for the weekend. She however decided that getting wasted was more important. After being asked countless times to NOT drink while she has him she decided that she was a “grown adult” and could do whatever she wanted. I didn’t want to take the chance so he just stayed at his dad’s house. Normally that wouldn’t be an issue, but he had to work so Boosk was there with his wife all weekend. They do not get along. We have polar opposite ways on how we raise our kids and she does not know how to deal with a kid who has ADHD. Cue me being power called by him while I am getting rocked at work.
Sunday night, after closing (2am) after expecting to be done by midnight I just wanted to go home and crash. Of course I didn’t have my bike and there was not a Lyft or Uber in site. An old coworker offered me a ride home. I had the biggest drunken crush on this guy. He was a straight up asshole and I loved it. He wouldn’t give me the time of day when he was sober but as soon as he was drunk I was his favorite person. He asked a little about what made me get sober. I told him I just needed a break. 15 years in this industry means 15 years of heavy drinking. I wasn’t trying to die before I was 50. He kept saying he needed to quit drinking, that he hated himself when he was drunk. And then he apologized for everything that happened between us. The way he treated me. They way he used me. I deserved better from him. From myself.
Drunk Nanc would have brushed it off, told him no big deal.
But I’m not drunk.
So I didn’t brush it off.
Instead I said “Yeah I do deserve better than you.”
It was an awkward ride after that.
But I do deserve better. From him, from myself. And it is time I demand it and don’t accept anything less.
Today Boosk had a “Welcome to our Classroom” music performance. It was adorable and made my heart sing with joy. Moments like this make me so grateful and happy and proud that I am not drunk/hungover anymore. I was able to enjoy all the squeaky recorders and off key songs with a smile on my face instead of a splitting headache.