Happy St Patty’s Day

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I got this e-mail this morning. It’s from an app you can download called “Drunk Mode”. You basically enter phone numbers you don’t want to accidentally drunk dial or text and it locks you out till the next morning or a predetermined time.
This app was my life during my drinking career. My son’s father, co workers I was “mad” at, exs I was trying not to fuck.

Screen Shot 2017-03-17 at 2.18.48 PM 65 days might not seem like a long time. In fact it’s not. But it is the longest I have been sober since I started drinking. It is J (my son;s father) and mine anniversary. Which after we broke up just left it as another day with another excuse to get wasted to forget.

This SPD I am sitting in a coffee shop I have come to love, on my third Americano, reading sober blogs. I have no intention of taking a single drink, let alone so black out I need an app to block half the contacts from my phone. That thought makes me 80% happy, 10% terrified, 5% angry, and 5% sad.
Happy: I am finally in recovery.
Terrified: What if I relapse.
Angry: Why can’t I have a reasonable relationship with alcohol. Why can’t I have just one?
Sad: That I ever needed such an app in my life.

Here’s to my first sober SPD and to many more

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